Faith is simple. Faith in a person comes from knowing a person. As you grow in a relationship, you learn who will let you down and who will be 'there for you.' It's been my experience that God is always 'there for you.'
I am a life-long practicing Roman Catholic. By the time we had four children, I realized that it was my responsibility to teach my children about my faith. But the more I thought about it, I realized that my faith in God was more between myself and Him, not necessarily caused by attending church. In growing up, I attended Mass, devotions, and weekly Benediction. As a young adult, I attended daily mass during my lunch hour from work. But, it never lead me to believe that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus. It never lead me to believe that God loved me. It never lead me to believe that the Holy Spirit could be active in my life. By the time, I reached my 30's, I had grown disillusioned. Now what was I going to give to my children.
Of course I continued attending Mass, because I was taught it was a sin to skip it. In reading Scripture, I would learn that the Church serves a purpose. Hebrews 10:24-25 (NIV) says "And let us consider how to spur one another on to love and good deeds. Let us not neglect meeting together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another...." So, there was wisdom in that rule.
About two years later, I picked up a book titled, "Catholic Charismatics." As I read the accounts of healing and answered prayers, I was intrigued. I never experienced such powerful results to my prayers. I read the book over and over for four months. The pages were dog-eared. Now I was very curious. On the other hand, I was wary because I certainly wasn't interested in involving myself with a group that wasn't approved by the Church.
Finally, it became a quest I had to pursue. I had to find these people, or at least, people like them. I decided to speak with a young priest who visited our parish every five weeks. On that Sunday, he was there, so I approached him after Mass. He directed me to a group of people who met weekly to pray in a Catholic retreat house about 25 miles north of our town. Logistically, it wasn't an easy endeavor. We had four young children and one car. My husband worked on the night shift, about 28 miles south of our home. So to attend this prayer meeting, I drove my husband with the children to to Westchester to attend college, turned around and went home.About 4:00pm, I drove with my children to pick my husband up and take him to his second-shift job, and then, home again with the children. I fed my children their supper and had a college student babysit while I went on my quest. Before this, I never left my children with anyone who wasn't a relative. I was a very protective mother, so this was a big step for me. And it was quite a trek of a total of about 150 miles.
When I arrived at the retreat house, I was directed down a stone stairway and into what might have been a dining hall. I think there were probably thirty or forty people praying. Some were praying in a strange language but it had an 'aura' about it. These people seemed to believe in God's willingness to involve Himself in their lives, to actually respond to a prayer, such as a request for healing. They acted like nothing was impossible to God. This blew my mind, so to speak. I had a lot to think about. After the meeting I drove the 50 or so miles to meet my husband after work and then another 28 miles home.
I took the same route weekly to attend this prayer meeting. After a short while, I finally decided I had to get what these people had. One of the people offered to pray with me and I cautiously accepted. As a few people circled around me, they started praying. I was impressed with the confidence they had in the Holy Spirit.
Within a few weeks, I bought a book written by an Evangelical Christian....don't remember the author's name. In the book, he wrote about having to repent of your sins. I didn't have a problem with that since I went to confession at Church on a regular basis. But the thought of 'needing to repent' stayed with me. You see, even though I was a practicing Catholic, I didn't know I had to invite Jesus into my life. So, after about four days, I got on my knees after the children were in bed, and told God I was sorry. The peace that flooded my soul and body was indescribable.
I read more and more books about this and continued attended these prayer meetings. I learned much about the Holy Spirit, the third person of the the Blessed Trinity. When I received the sacrament of Confirmation at twelve years of age in my church, I was taught that I was now a soldier of Christ. We were instructed about the fruits of the Spirit, such as wisdom, understanding, counsel, fortitude, knowledge, piety, and fear of the Lord. But I don't ever remember learning about the word of wisdom or knowledge, faith, gifts of healing, gift of miracles, prophecy, discernment of spirits, personal prayer in tongues, interpretation of tongues spoken in a group. Any of these are evident in a prayer meeting, as the Holy Spirit inspires it. It was all totally new to me. However, over the years, I've experienced some of these gifts, mostly for the benefit of others.
A few weeks later, I received the gift of tongues. I heard the 'prayer meeting' people praying for weeks, but I certainly wasn't going to do it on my own and possibly insult God. So I never even tried. Then one day, while washing dishes some syllables entered my mind. I thought, "could that be it?" It was later confirmed by one of the leaders of the prayer group. One of my friends stated that he thought that the gift of tongues was very useful when you just didn't know how to pray for a person or situation. He said, "the Holy Spirit knows just what is needed."
One of my first prayer requests was for sweaters for my children. We were saving for house, so we watched every penny. That Saturday, we went to visit one of my sisters-in-law. She gave us a bag of clothing her children had outgrown. There in the bag, were four sweaters. I was blown away. Now you might think that my praying for sweaters was materialistic, but that's where I lived, in the real world. I still do.
A few weeks later, my husband encountered black ice on the highway and veered off the road, just missing a ravine. Thankfully, his injuries were minor, but our one car was gone. As we sat on our couch, I could sense the worry my husband was not expressing and I quoted some scripture to him. Just then, the phone rang. The caller was my husbands eldest sister. She heard from my mother-in-law about the accident and offered her 14 year old Volkswagen bug until we were able to get a new car. When we got the car, we found out it had 214,000 miles on it. The VW worked for about seven weeks. When we purchased a replacement vehicle for the old one, we returned her VW bug. One week later the 14 year old car died on the side of the road.
Now, these answers to prayer might not mean much to anyone else, but to me at the time, they were the right answer. Some answers are quick and right on point. Others take a long time but they do come, even when I have forgotten. I live in the real everyday world and need God's help. I'm certainly not perfect....far from it. The Bible says that 'all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.' (Romans 3:23 RSV) Over the years, I've experienced the death of our youngest child* and heartbreak, but no matter how imperfect I am, or how many times I fail or fall, I just say, "Sorry"and get on with life. God has been with me throughout.
The Bible says "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. (Revelations 3:20)
The decision is yours to make.
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